Oh inconstant man that I am! God is good but he really likes to keep me aware of how "not good" I am! (Incidentally it is really good of Him to do that!) Every once in a while He lets me go my way. Not falling into deep sin or failing miserably, but just walking my own carnal way pursuing all the things I would pursue if He didn't call me back every day to the beauty of His Glory. Every time without fail I come up unsatisfied, frustrated, angry, insecure, disgusted, empty and frightened! It leaves me apologetic and repentant, and wondering why I have failed yet again.
Will there be a day when I won't need this anymore? When my own pride does not lead me to a fall? Do I even have a hope of it when even Apostle Paul would write such things as, "Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"
Jesus I want to be yours. I so deeply desire to belong to you completely. Show me the pathway to the good level ground you want me to walk on. Keep me humble God I beg of you, but help me to hear your correcting voice before so devastating a demonstration as this is necessary! Still as always you are my shepherd and I shall not want. You take this stupid sheep where he needs to go, even when I am so blinded that I don't know where I am. Thank you.
Someday I will learn to follow His whisper and will have no need for His shout!
Father Hasten that day!
Amen
2 comments:
I can't wait for the day when I will no longer have need of His shout but hear His whisper. I hear you! I just want to be meek. I want to look like Him. Oddly enough both of those desires require me either be placed in the middle of the fire or scared to death by it until I no longer fear the flames but instead seek Him in the midst of them. Interesting. I need to be still so I can just soak in His presence. I'm in need of discipline, Oh Lord!
Josh, your comments persuaded me to write a poem. It is on my writings blog. Called "Attainable." I wrote it fast and it isn't all that great. Still I thought since you inspired it you might want to check it out.
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