Fighting to stay

The Lord has done some beautiful things in my heart over the past couple weeks.  I have had a brand new passion installed in my heart.  I new sense of calling, a sweet intimacy and joy with Him that has been so satisfying and wonderful!  I love it, but this Jealous Lover of mine is not satisfied with where we are.  I am almost willing to kind of sit here and say, "this is a good place I don't want to leave", but the Lord will not allow me to sit still. EVERY opportunity to be with Him that I miss He brings to my attention.  Every time I choose something else instead of Him He lets me know.  Not in a guilt ridden way where I feel horrible about it, but in a prodding way.  "I want you and you missed me here." etc.  I am trying to sleep but He keeps my heart awake and I keep running to door handles covered with myrrh an instant to late to catch Him waiting for me.  It is maddening and wonderful all at the same time.  He is provoking me.  I like it. 

So I find myself fighting my flesh at every turn.  My flesh wants to stay the same, to hide from His presence and to sleep, but my inner man has been awakened and it keeps pushing me away from those places of comfort and apathy.  I prayed for this you know and He said yes!  My most real fear right now is that I will sleep once to often and He will stop waking me up.  I know what happened to the Shulammite and I don't want to be beaten and stolen from.  So I am fighting to stay AFTER HIM, and it is an uphill battle for my own heart.  Pray for me my friends!  I want to burn!

 

Joshy